Call-Me-Kris

artigosaurus:

queen-of-dork:

i-am-a-cat-eins-zwei-drei:

debisanacronym1:

WHY ARE NONE OF YOU FUCKERS FLIPPING SHIT?!?

NASA HAS DECLARED PLUTO A PLANET AGAIN

IT HAS MOONS!!!!! IT HAS MOONS!!!!!!!

WHAT. WHAT! PLUTO YOU FUCKING DID IT!

VIVA LA PLUTO, YOU DID IT!!!

sinyhale:

Pre-order your Teen Wolf Playing Cards :: here <3

A huge thank you to everyone that messaged me about buying a card, I would have never put them up for sale if it wasn’t for it!

sherlocked-with-thebeatles:

owlwithafeatherboa:

roadkill-dreamcatcher:

      assassinslover:

osamah:

i like girls who look like they kill people for a living

image

Who is this and why does she look like the child of Hawkeye and Black Widow

That’s Natalie Dormer, and oh mY GOsH you’re right she does look their child!!!

that’s what happened in budapest. 

uncensoredhijabii:

kingjaffejoffer:


Husain Abdullah received an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for praying on Monday. [Yahoo]

This is probably going to be a big deal tomorrow. The NFL can’t do anything right this year. 

it is a big deal, how many times has tebow kneeled down? Has he ever been penalized? No. Bullshit. Then they have the audacity to be calling it excessive celebration, screw the NFL. Let a white Christian male kneel down and protect his ass, create a movement and call it tebowing, but once a Black Muslim Male does it, it’s flagged. IT’S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL IT’S NO LONGER INVOLVING A WHITE CHRISTIAN MALE BUT RATHER A BLACK MUSLIM. LOAD OF B.S.

uncensoredhijabii:

kingjaffejoffer:

Husain Abdullah received an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for praying on Monday. [Yahoo]

This is probably going to be a big deal tomorrow. The NFL can’t do anything right this year.

it is a big deal, how many times has tebow kneeled down? Has he ever been penalized? No. Bullshit. Then they have the audacity to be calling it excessive celebration, screw the NFL. Let a white Christian male kneel down and protect his ass, create a movement and call it tebowing, but once a Black Muslim Male does it, it’s flagged. IT’S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL IT’S NO LONGER INVOLVING A WHITE CHRISTIAN MALE BUT RATHER A BLACK MUSLIM. LOAD OF B.S.

whatwouldfezwear:

the-sarcastic-robot:

if you want to kill someone stab them with an icicle because the icicle will melt and then there will be no murder weapon

Better yet, make like one of my favorite short stories and murder them with big frozen leg of lamb and then cook the lamb. 

Then when the police arrive offer them something to eat and then have the police eat your murder weapon. 

image

I love that story

dandraco:

hollyoakhill:

do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared

All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.
The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.
And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life. (Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)
At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.

This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.

This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.
And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."
And then there is this:

Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.
And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.
And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.
TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.

dandraco:

hollyoakhill:

do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared

All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.

The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.

And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life.
(Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)

At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.

This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.

This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.

And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."

And then there is this:

Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.

And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.

And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.

TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.

lightspeedsound:

lunapics:

theshells:

I can’t stop laughing at Harry running the fuck awaythe boy who lived ladies and gentlemen.

….You realize, of course, that Hermione Granger lit a teacher on fire when she was eleven, and kept a person alive in a jar for a year when she was fourteen, and studies dark and forbidden magics for kicks, and is one of the brightest and strongest witches of her era. If she came at me, even wandless, I would aparate to Neptune to get away from her.

Hermione Granger also: 

  • punched Draco Malfoy in the nose for being an idiot 
  • purposefully performed a confundus charm on whatshsface WHILE HE WAS FLYING just so Ron would win (omfg that is so fucking dangerous) 
  • literally pulled a fucking Bourne Identity on her parents and managed to set them up in fucking Australia (jesus christ she literally made it so that she NEVER EXISTED wtf that’s so fucking 007)
  • Convinced the Ministry of Magic to give her an incredibly dangerous and volatile device that allowed her to ALTER TIMELINES COMPLETELY (just because she was so smart, literally, that is the reason, her “potential”) 
  • Has enough basic survival skills and badass magic to literally disappear to the middle of nowhere and flourish AND figure out Voldemort’s plot with Harry 
  • Hermione also figures out not only what Voldemort’s plan is, but generally how to beat it, WAY BEFORE VOLDEMORT EVER DOES. Why? because she is just that much smarter and better at magic than everybody else

in conclusion: Voldemort wishes he could be as awesome as Hermione, that’s why he wants to kill her so bad. 

my politics is

quinnxxx:

  1. protect ur friends
  2. be gentle as much as possible
  3. put ur foot down whenever necesscary
  4. contribute something to the conversation
  5. anger is a valid response to injustice
  6. anger is also a tool, learn how to use it
  7. do not be afraid to admit that u are or were wrong
  8. diversity of tactics is key
  9. not having ur existence politicized is a privilege
  10. don’t write a folk punk song about it

notbecauseofvictories:

also that whole tale of aragorn and arwen thing where he saw her in the woods at twenty and fell instantly in love and it’s very beren and luthien? lies.

aragorn decided he was going to marry arwen when he was like, six.

and everyone thought it was just the

compromised-by-castiel:

scifigrl47:

warpsbyherself:

tehnakki:

marvelentertainment:

Get your first look at Paul Rudd as Scott Lang in Marvel’s “Ant-Man,” now in production in San Francisco and in theaters July 17, 2015!

I have never been this unexcited for set pics :-/Without Janet, why the fuck even bother with this movie?

I… Cannot bring myself to care. At all.

I have seen every Marvel movie multiple times in theaters.  Want to know how many times I saw Avengers. Marvel?
13.
Thirteen times.  My friends and I had a contest, it was a JOKE.  ”How many times have you seen Avengers?”  Not ‘if.’  ’How many times?’
We’re all female, Marvel.  We’re girls.  And we weren’t really psyched by the lack of female characters you gave us, but you know what?  We were reassured by the ones you did.  We dealt.  We tolerated.  We waited patiently.
And when you announced Ant-Man, I told myself, at least we’ll get Jan.  Jan, who was one of the BEST parts of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.  Jan, the funny, sassy, fashion obsessed, girly-girl who wanted to be a hero, who didn’t need someone’s death to motivate her, who didn’t need someone to suffer for her to want to do what’s right.
Janet Van Dyne, who gave the Avengers their name.  I told myself, it would be worth it.  For Jan.
And then you pulled this.
I will not see Ant-Man.  I will not blog about your dumb ‘white boy pain’ movie.  You fridged one of the most iconic female super heroes in your canon, off-screen, to further manpain.
40+% of your audience for “Guardians of the Galaxy” was women.  And girls.  Little girls like my nieces, who deserve heroes of their own.  How sad that you’re determined not to give them to us.
Boycott Ant-Man.  That’s my tag.  Boycott Ant-Man.  Until we get Carol.  And Jennifer.  And Heather.  And Misty.  And Angela.  Until we get Monica.  And Patsy.  And Greer.  Until we get Sersi.  And Jessica.  And Kate.  And America.
Until we get females in your movies that aren’t killed to further a man’s path to heroism, because why else would we want to do the right thing?
Until we get Jan.
Boycott Ant-Man.

I am not going to watch this stupid movie. The only thing that would make this semi interesting is if Jan was in it and she’s notCompletely unacceptable

compromised-by-castiel:

scifigrl47:

warpsbyherself:

tehnakki:

marvelentertainment:

Get your first look at Paul Rudd as Scott Lang in Marvel’s “Ant-Man,” now in production in San Francisco and in theaters July 17, 2015!

I have never been this unexcited for set pics :-/

Without Janet, why the fuck even bother with this movie?

I… Cannot bring myself to care. At all.

I have seen every Marvel movie multiple times in theaters.  Want to know how many times I saw Avengers. Marvel?

13.

Thirteen times.  My friends and I had a contest, it was a JOKE.  ”How many times have you seen Avengers?”  Not ‘if.’  ’How many times?’

We’re all female, Marvel.  We’re girls.  And we weren’t really psyched by the lack of female characters you gave us, but you know what?  We were reassured by the ones you did.  We dealt.  We tolerated.  We waited patiently.

And when you announced Ant-Man, I told myself, at least we’ll get Jan.  Jan, who was one of the BEST parts of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.  Jan, the funny, sassy, fashion obsessed, girly-girl who wanted to be a hero, who didn’t need someone’s death to motivate her, who didn’t need someone to suffer for her to want to do what’s right.

Janet Van Dyne, who gave the Avengers their name.  I told myself, it would be worth it.  For Jan.

And then you pulled this.

I will not see Ant-Man.  I will not blog about your dumb ‘white boy pain’ movie.  You fridged one of the most iconic female super heroes in your canon, off-screen, to further manpain.

40+% of your audience for “Guardians of the Galaxy” was women.  And girls.  Little girls like my nieces, who deserve heroes of their own.  How sad that you’re determined not to give them to us.

Boycott Ant-Man.  That’s my tag.  Boycott Ant-Man.  Until we get Carol.  And Jennifer.  And Heather.  And Misty.  And Angela.  Until we get Monica.  And Patsy.  And Greer.  Until we get Sersi.  And Jessica.  And Kate.  And America.

Until we get females in your movies that aren’t killed to further a man’s path to heroism, because why else would we want to do the right thing?

Until we get Jan.

Boycott Ant-Man.

I am not going to watch this stupid movie. The only thing that would make this semi interesting is if Jan was in it and she’s not
Completely unacceptable

please elaborate on how you got a substitute teacher to quit within one day. I'm genuinely curious.
Anonymous

mysticmoonhigh:

mamalovebone:

all right everyone sit down, shut up and listen closely because I’m about to tell y’all the tale of Ms. Mormino.

Seventh grade is a time most people don’t look back on fondly. I know I sure don’t—I tend to regard that era as nothing more than an unpleasant, acne-filled haze of fall out boy and poor attempts at pseudo-zooey deschanel fashions. But enough about me. Let’s talk about my math teacher. 

Ms. Isom. Poor old Ms. Isom. Well in her 60’s, always plagued with some illness or injury, she was hardly ever even at school. Since many of her absences were the result of short-notice incidents—“falling down the stairs” was popularly cited— it wasn’t all that uncommon to not have a substitute on hand. Being a smartass honors class, we’d gotten away with several successful evasions of administration, walking cavalierly into class  to pass the next 48 minutes doing just about nothing. Hell, for good measure, we’d sometimes even toss in a friendly “hey, Ms. Isom!” if any administrators were anywhere within earshot. So incredibly anti-establishment, you could basically call it another Project Mayhem, except instead of Brad Pitt and Ed Norton concocting homemade bombs, it was a bunch of tweenyboppers with iPhone 3’s and Justin Bieber 2009 haircuts. 

 We got pretty accustomed to our own little self-governing system that rolled around every second period, so we naturally weren’t exactly thrilled when administration caught on to our little Anarchy Act and strictly enforced the presence of a substitute every day. 

Most of our subs weren’t terrible—most were friendly, gave us participation grades, and didn’t object to the independent attitude of our class (which, mind you, only had about ten students in it) 

That is, until Ms. Mormino came along. 

Four feet, ten inches of raw, undiluted evil, Ms. Mormino walked into class with a scowl on her face and a chip on her shoulder. When the girl behind me sneezed, Ms. Mormino’s immediate response was “NO INAPPROPRIATE NOISES!” 

 Although we all suppressed our laughter, we all knew from that moment on that, try as she might with her despotism and her draconian anti-sneeze policy, Ms. Mormino didn’t stand a chance. 

 The arguable beginning of the end for Ms. Mormino’s all-too-brief reign of terror was the moment I asked for a calculator; mine was broken. Mormino asserted that I could only borrow a calculator if I loaned her something of mine; at that moment, the girl next to me chimed in, saying she, too, needed a calculator. “I have a folder I can give you,” I offered. “I have a highlighter,” added the other girl. 

 At that moment, a puberty-creaking voice from the back of the room piped up. 

Max. 

We all know certain people have certain gifts. Michelangelo saw angels in every block of marble and devoted his life to setting them free; Einstein had a mind which saw the potential of the entire universe; F. Scott Fitzgerald wove intricate tales of decadence and depravity. Max, however, had a different kind of gift: he could make anything—anything at all—into a “that’s what she said” joke. More on that later, though. 

Max pried off a Nike sneaker and held it proudly in the air, like a coveted trophy. 

"I have a shoe." 

Tottering in one-shoe-one-sock, Max dumped the sneaker on Ms. Mormino’s desk, retrieved a calculator, then tottered back to his own desk, a sort of smirk playing on his face. And, as to be expected—the rest of us quickly followed suit. 

 A small pile of shoes on her desk, Ms. Mormino grit her teeth and glared at us as we all sat back down, quietly victorious, a calculator in each of our hands. It wasn’t long, however, until we all began to silently plot our next act of minor mayhem. 

"Can I go to the bathroom?" asked Tyler, who, despite being in seventh grade, was approaching his sixteenth birthday. In a combination of verism and admiration of Tyler’s devil-may-care boldness, we unequivocally accepted him as our leader. For reasons unknown, Ms. Mormino denied his request. Tyler, much like his Fight Club namesake, heeded no rules but his own and left anyway—Ms. Mormino, furious, locked the door behind him and smugly insisted that "administration will take care of him." 

Tyler, however, was not one to be caught, and stayed close by, appearing in the window of the door whenever Ms. Mormino wasn’t looking. Waving, smiling, laughing, making faces and obscene gestures, Tyler had us all in stitches, but cleverly avoided Ms. Mormino’s sight—when she asked us what was so funny, we all refused to give Tyler away. 

A girl asked to go to the bathroom, stating she “really really really” needed to go. Ms. Mormino, again, denied her request. Ms. Mormino, however, seemed to be uninformed about the side door—leading right outside, always locked from the outside but always open from the inside. 

"Well, I’ll go myself," the girl responded, and took off, hurdling three desks and darting out the door. Right behind her, two other students took off, pursuing freedom. The door slammed behind all three students, and they were gone. 

 Six of us were left. Among us, importantly, was Chris. 

Chris was thirteen, but looked half his age; scrawny, wiry, he probably measured in at about four-foot-three, but no taller. “Late Bloomer” are words that come to mind. 

Despite his diminutive size, Chris possessed the gall of someone like Tyler.

"I have to use the bathroom," said Chris, standing. 

 ”Do you think I’m going to allow you to go to the bathroom?” snapped Ms. Mormino. 

 ”It’s an emergency!” Chris pleaded. 

"Sit down," Ms. Mormino growled. 

Meanwhile, the entire class borders on hysteria. We have tears in our eyes, almost suffocating from choking back laughter. 

"It’s an emergency," repeated Chris, but it sounded more like a warning.

"Sit."

Silence. Silence, Silence and more silence, until we all began to notice a dark stain on Chris’s khakis. The stain grew. And grew. And grew.

 Fists at his sides, stoicism in his face, and a cold, proud, triumphant glint in his eye, Chris locked eye contact with Ms. Mormino. 

And pissed right in his pants. 

The entire class erupted into a laugh only comparable to the detonation of a bomb. 

We laughed so hard for the next five, ten, fifteen minutes straight that Ms. Mormino gave up. Surrendering, putting her head on her desk, she waited until the hysteria finally subsided. 

Finally looking up, defeated, pathetic, Ms. Mormino glared at us all and wailed: 

 ”This is too much, this is too hard, too hard, Jesus Christ, this is too much for me!” 

 A lone voice sounded from the back of the room. Guess whose it was.

"That’s what she said."

Ms. Mormino officially retired from teaching that afternoon.

FUCKING READ IT IT’S WORTH IT

feministlikeme:

we all need to get better at thinking of ourselves like this.

When you are 13 years old,
the heat will be turned up too high
and the stars will not be in your favor.
You will hide behind a bookcase
with your family and everything left behind.
You will pour an ocean into a diary.
When they find you, you will be nothing
but a spark above a burning bush,
still, tell them
Despite everything, I really believe people are good at heart.

When you are 14,
a voice will call you to greatness.
When the doubters call you crazy, do not listen.
They don’t know the sound
of their own God’s whisper. Use your armor,
use your sword, use your two good hands.
Do not let their doubting
drown out the sound of your own heartbeat.
You are the Maid of Untamed Patriotism.
Born to lead armies into victory and unite a nation
like a broken heart.

When you are 15, you will be punished
for learning too proudly. A man
will climb onto your school bus and insist
your sisters name you enemy.
When you do not hide,
he will point his gun at your temple
and fire three times. Three years later,
in an ocean of words, with no apologies,
you will stand before the leaders of the world
and tell them your country is burning.

When you are 16 years old,
you will invent science fiction.
The story of a man named Frankenstein
and his creation. Soon after you will learn
that little girls with big ideas are more terrifying
than monsters, but don’t worry.
You will be remembered long after
they have put down their torches.

When you are 17 years old,
you will strike out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig
one right after the other.
Men will be afraid of the lightening
in your fingertips. A few days later
you will be fired from the major leagues
because “Girls are too delicate to play baseball”

You will turn 18 with a baby on your back
leading Lewis and Clark
across North America.

You will turn 18 
and become queen of the Nile.

You will turn 18 
and bring justice to journalism.

You are now 18, standing on the precipice,
trembling before your own greatness.

This is your call to leap.

There will always being those
who say you are too young and delicate
to make anything happen for yourself.
They don’t see the part of you that smolders.
Don’t let their doubting drown out the sound
of your own heartbeat.

You are the first drop of a hurricane.
Your bravery builds beyond you. You are needed
by all the little girls still living in secret,
writing oceans made of monsters and
throwing like lightening.

You don’t need to grow up to find greatness.
You are stronger than the world has ever believed you to be.
The world laid out before you to set on fire.
All you have to do
is burn.

Alright but have you considered

  • Letter found in an old notebook AU
  • Road trip across the country and accidentally crossing paths AU
  • Work at the same shitty restaurant and have all the same shitty shift times AU
  • Record store AU
  • basically just like a coffee shop AU but with music